Screw-ups. We all have ‘em. With friends, family, and yes, with our commercial writing clients. But, how you deal with it can be far more important than the screw-up itself. This subject may be a bit off the mainstream of commercial writing, but thought it was worth knocking around, and certainly has relevance for our copywriting businesses.
Last week, one of my copywriting colleagues stepped in it after sending out a note about a coaching client and a niche that client had developed, and sent a link to a YouTube video featuring that client prominently on one side of contentious political issue.
Later that day, once realization dawned (no doubt spurred by some angry notes), out went the mea culpa, saying, in essence, “I didn’t mean to promote a political point of view, and have been so busy lately doing this and that that I neglected to ‘consider the content’ of what I sent out.”
In the wake of that, I got an email from a reader, saying, “Upon reading her apology I unsubscribed from her list” (having just subscribed a few days earlier). She went on to point out that, “not ‘considering the content’ showed little respect for one’s recipients, which, in turn, ends up losing, not gaining interest and goodwill.”
Finally, and most importantly, she took offense at my colleague’s apology, which was less of an apology and more of an excuse, citing “busy-ness” with this and that unrelated task and, as a result of that preoccupation, not thinking it through.
As my friend explained, “When we make a mistake, don’t we have an obligation to own it? With a different sort of apology I might not have unsubscribed. Something like: ‘Today I distributed a video featuring one of my clients. I regret sending it. The video did not demonstrate the point I was hoping to make, and in fact contained a political message many of you may have found inappropriate and offensive. I apologize. Please be assured that nothing like this will happen again.’ But instead she made excuses.”
Which made me think about the nature of apologies. In follow-on emails, we both sympathized with my colleague’s compounded error. You make a mistake, and in trying to apologize, it’s only human to want to make yourself look good (or less bad). You’re faced with a) frankly admitting no-excuse cluelessness, or, b) claiming the excuse of distracted carelessness (who can’t relate to being too busy?). In this case, my colleague chose the latter. And perhaps it worked on some, but certainly not on my friend.
I bring up this episode NOT to gang up on my colleague anymore (who no doubt took themselves to the woodshed several times), but to use it as a discussion starter about the nature of apologies. I’ve certainly apologized in the past like my colleague did, so I can’t throw stones. But now (perhaps based on the results of that approach), I put myself in the second camp. If I screw up, I’ll throw myself to the wolves – no excuses.
One of the things I’ve learned in my years on earth is that, overwhelmingly, people are just looking for reasons to forgive you. Do a soft-shoe, deflect and dissemble and they’ll pound you doubly hard. Perhaps because they’re punishing you for that same slippery quality they hate in themselves.
But, come to them with a clear-eyed admission of guilt, hat in hand, no excuses, and they’ll fall all over themselves to offer you absolution. Perhaps, because, by the same token, they’re rewarding you for showing the same flawed humanness they share with you, a humanness they know takes courage to reveal. And they’ll not only forgive you, you’ll grow in stature in their eyes. Sometimes irrationally…
Caught a news item last week about Lt. Calley of My Lai (Vietnam) massacre infamy, who, 41 years after the fact, finally apologized for his role in the cold-blooded murder of 500 unarmed Vietnamese civilians – mostly women and children. He did it at a Kiwanis Club meeting in Columbus, Georgia, where afterwards – you ain’t going to believe this – the assembled attendees gave him a standing ovation.
If that isn’t proof that people love to be magnanimous (and will actually think better of you no matter what you did), whether or not they should be, I’m not sure what is.
Can you share a time you apologized to a client in a no-excuses manner and how did it turn out?
Can you share a time you apologized to a client by making excuses and how did that turn out?
Any other thoughts on apologies?
I received the same apology, and I thought it was fine. She was also dead honest by admitting she just passed on a link without viewing it, and everyone has done that. (I never clicked on the original link, which sounds like it contained a right-wing rant. I would have been miffed because I lean left.)
Those kind of mass mistakes — sending out a mass email with a bad fact — are less damaging than the time you screw up one client’s project and make him look bad in front of his bosses. Even if you give the best apology, you are usually toast, or are at least on borrowed time. If you miss a key deadline or drop the ball they will just look at you different, like you shrunk a little.
Many screwups, perhaps most, are caused by a miscommunication. It’s especially embarassing when it happens because our job is communication. Often, when there’s a miscommunication (and this isn’t just in business, but personally, as well), I will say to the person something like: “I think this problem was caused by some miscommunication between us. Whenever there is a miscommunication, I blame myself. I apologize for my miscommunication.”
I find that if I take the blame, often the other person will also acknowledge their own share of the blame. In fact, sometimes they may be the one who bears MOST of the blame (although they may never admit it). Nevertheless, I think if I take the blame, I’ve defused the situation. I’ve also found in practice that it often is my fault. There have been times when someone told me what they wanted in a particular situation. I thought that I knew what they wanted. They thought they had commuicated their desires to me. However, when I go back and analyze what happened, they weren’t entirely clear in stating what they wanted; however, in most of these cases, I could have probed deeper, and didn’t. So, if I take full blame for the miscommunication, that seems to solve a lot of problems.
Hmmmm. I was on the receiving end of both the “offending” email and the apology. Funny how different people perceive things differently. I was so moved by the apology, I sent a quick email telling the person the mistake humanized someone who up to that point provided incredible content, flawlessly. I respected the fact they published an apology and admitted a non-thinking mistake. I’ve been a long time subscriber to the e-letter, so know the value of the information provided each week. Perhaps I’m more forgiving.
Do I like apologies with excuses? No. And your friend makes a good and valid point. Maybe because I have read this person’s work for several years, I felt the raw emotion of the apology and didn’t notice the excuse. I can only imagine the email they received. I’ve read enough political blogs to know how quickly discussions about opposing views on issues can get nasty, really, really nasty. I’m sure some of the things received because of that e-letter fell into that category.
Couple the “hate mail” with the complete and utter horror of a well-known name in the industry suddenly realizing the tremendous faux pas they just made and you’ve got a recipe for a hurried-up, not-so-well-thought-out apology. I know, I sound like I’m making an excuse, but I challenge anyone to sit down and compose an eloquent, perfect apology, publishing immediately, under the stress of that circumstance.
I, for one, admire this person for admitting their error and am saddened they lost subscribers because of it. I also understand how subscribers without the history of good content to fall back on would be put off by the entire incident. Sad we all can’t be more forgiving of the human in us all.
Thanks to all of you for some great input. And yes, Rick and Mketcher, I have learned that you can endear yourself to a client in a big way if you take responsibility for problems that arise, whether or not you are in fact, to blame. And it’s a dilemma sometimes, when it’s NOT your fault. The very nature of the client-vendor relationship, and your obvious desire to keep that client happy (and rehiring you) will have you loading the blame onto your shoulders just to keep them happy. In most cases, the client doesn’t abuse that, and keep expecting you to take bullets for them, but if they do, at some point, you weigh whether the relationship, on balance is worth it. But, the times I’ve taken the heat for something that wasn’t my fault, you can set up a nice dynamic where the client feels they owe you one.
And thanks, Rick and Dawn, for the different perspective on the apology in question. Obviously, having far more firsthand experience with the sender than my friend with the value they’ve brought you for a long time had you more receptive and less critical of their apology. Makes sense. I can only hope that my long-term subscribers would be that generous. But in the end, perhaps it’s a good lesson all the ay around. I know when I’ve screwed up similarly, it definitely made me more vigilant in the future. It’s easy to fall into auto-pilot mode and not be as conscious to what you’re doing as you should be. Sounds like card-carrying human being behavior!
PB
I believe there are no excuses for mistakes. People often try to use excuses to duck ownership. However, there are reasons why mistakes happen and those reasons should be examined to make sure similar mistakes don’t happen in the future. But those reasons shouldn’t be used to excuse bad choices.
This doesn’t mean there can’t be forgiveness. In fact, the causes of mistakes need to be looked at, but not for finger-pointing. Mistakes happen to everyone and we need to learn to move on. I don’t know the person involved in this case, but it sounds as if she’s well respected and has a history of high-quality workmanship. As Dawn says, this single mistake has to be taken in context with her other work. If she had a history of purposely directing people to politically charged videos, then I think it would be fair to be highly critical.
She made one bad decision among many good ones. She apologized for her mistake. It’d be nice if people could just move on.
You say, “I’m sorry. I screwed up. It won’t happen again. I think X, Y, Z will help make it right/fix the mistake, and I’d like to hear any thoughts you have on the matter.”
No excuses.
Receiving an email stating a mistake happened/link was passed on without viewing because someone is “too busy”, to me, is a slap in the face. That’s not an apology, it’s an excuse, and that would just anger me more. A simple, “I’m sorry, I made a mistake” is much more effective if I’m on the receiving end, and, if I’m the one making a mistake, I apologize, own it, and do whatever I can to correct it.
A huge mistake I made on set once had to do with continuity, where another crew member offered to check on a pair of actors, didn’t, and they had a coat in a shot where they shouldn’t have. It cost tens of thousands of dollars. yes, the person offered to cover continuity, but, ultimately, it was my responsibility to make sure the continuity was intact. I apologized and offered to leave the production. I was kept, and the person who didn’t keep his word and then blamed me was fired.
Reminds me of the old saying: Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly.
It’s a no-brainer to always apologize. But there’s a difference between acknowledging a mistake and demonstrating intent to amend the behavior that led to it.
My general rule of thumb when apologizing is to keep it as simple as possible. I try not to explain why I screwed up, unless I can also realistically promise to avoid those circumstances again in the future.
Your colleague’s mistake wasn’t that she was too busy. We all get in the weeds from time to time. It’s one of those things that’s beyond our control. So mentioning it in an apology comes off as evasive and insincere – as though she too was a victim.
It’s generally a better practice to apologize only for things over which you have control. In this case, it was a failure to check every link in the newsletter before it went out. That’s a practice that she can reasonably expect to amend in the future. Lesson learned.
And bottom line: No matter how sincere or gracious an apology, there may still be people who don’t accept it. That’s just life. If we had that much control over how people responded to our words, we’d all get paid a lot more money as writers.
I try to make the issue leave ASAP–which means owning up, saying I screwed up and I am sorry, and not going on and on with it. I especially hate the Washington Apology, which has several variations: (1) If anyone was offended, I am sorry.” (2) “I am sorry if I offended anyone.” (3) “If you were offended, I am sorry.” (4) “To anyone who was offended, my apologies.” These make you sound like a nut because you were offended and implies that no one else was or would be. As for political–this is tricky. In my case, I tend to hit reply on emails that mention our president and say, “I do not read emails referencing this gentleman.” Rebuff! It’s a hard old world out there.
Great topic.
This one has different answers for inside and outside the cube. Inside: absolutely keep your communication (in my case dealing with store managers) short, to-the-point, concise. No groveling, no “I’m soooooo sorry for the eight extra hours you may be putting in over this one.” Store managers are basically just looking to know what to do – honor their incorrect flyer retail (which I missed) or not, and what to do about instore signage. No need to throw yourself on their mercy. (Even when you cost a department $50K because you let an item go to print two bucks cheaper than it should have been.)
On the outside, as on the inside, full accountability. But you have the luxury of time to formulate your words and their weight. Thus, I would take advantage and come up with something better than “I was so busy I didn’t watch the video I was sending out, and therefore endorsing, and sorry to anybody that might have been offended (i.e. everyone).” Depending on the person and situation, I often try to defuse the situation with gallows humor. Doesn’t always work, but it’s a human approach. I often think of NY Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, who once said “I don’t make many mistakes, but when I do, it’s a beaut!”
Of course there’s no such thing as a mistake if you’re willing to learn from it (and apologize appropriately)…
A business that handles a complaint appropriately will win my business for a very long time, and sometimes I feel more loyalty to a business that has corrected a mistake than to a business that never makes a mistake. For example, if a grocery store overcharges me, but corrects the error with courtesy and an apology, I am more likely to continue to shop there than at a store that hasn’t ever overcharged me. Somehow the whole interaction of the mistake, the complaint, the apology and the correction humanizes things. I get to know a clerk and probably a manager and they get to know me.
Not too long ago, I got a name wrong in a newsletter for a client. The name just happened to be my client’s “featured customer of the month.” First, I apologized to the client, then to the person who’s name I’d gotten wrong. The next month, I published an apology in the newsletter. AND GOT THE NAME WRONG AGAIN!!! There was no excuse for it, even if I had wanted to make one. Apologies were made all around again, except not in the next newsletter. It was terribly embarrassing, but the client still pays me to write his newsletter, and the customer has complimented him on the newsletter and made purchases as a result of it.
I work as a clerk full-time for the government (Veteran’s Administration) while freelancing part-time for myself. There have been times where things have been botched and I can say for certain that when I have appologized directly for my mistake I received a forgiving attitude from the customer more often than not. But, when I was forced to use government regulations as my “excuse” the response is almost always confrontational. Making excuses just doesn’t work in regards to customer relations. Although, I haven’t made any major mistakes with a client… yet! I am confident that excuses would illicit the same response as it does with customers dealing with the government.
I prepared a press release for a client and if it had gone out and been published it would have lost them a huge account as their client didn’t want the publicity. I should have cleared the release with their client before I even started the project. Luckily, I did have the good sense to run it by them first … but what if in my haste I hadn’t checked and I had sent it out to the news media? I apologized and didn’t bill them for the work. They were great about it. In my personal life, I help out with a huge volunteer group at church. I have found that when people are angry because of something that’s not “done right” I just apologize profusely … people just need to vent.
I had to weigh back in here to share a little gem I heard this week: “I can’t save my face and my ass at the same time.” Ho ho…
Insert Sad Trombone here, Dan. 😉